Dear AD, what should I do if I’m afraid of speaking with my supervisor? They are so intimidating, and it makes me stressed every time.
- Fearful Fellow
A. Dear Fearful Fellow,
This is a common concern from graduate students, so know that you’re not alone in this!
You’ve chosen your supervisor because they are an eminent person in their field, and they are knowledgeable about pretty much everything in the field. Don’t forget that they also chose you so they clearly think that you have worth! Now you are an incoming graduate student. Since you’re not so eminent in your field (yet), you might feel intimidated. Still, you need to engage with your supervisor during your graduate degree.
Preparing ahead of time can be a great way to approach this intimidating situation. Making a plan when facing an intimidating situation always makes me feel better! Make a bullet point list of the topics you want to address with your supervisor. If you have a plan, you’re sure to not forget anything and are more likely to actually get the information that you need from your supervisor in a timely manner. Schedule your meeting with your supervisor. This will allow a specific time alone with your supervisor so that both of you can be focused on speaking with one another and not be rushed.
Reflection and growth are also important in these situations. After the meeting, reflect on how it went. Firstly - congratulate yourself on facing this difficult situation and recognize that you benefited from it! Then, ask yourself some tough questions: “what is it that I did really well when I spoke to my supervisor?” Clearly, you need to foster those for your next meeting. Then, reflect on what didn’t work so well: was I too flustered? Did I hesitate too much? Did I not talk about something that really bothered me? Did I get to all the important points? If not, what held me back? Not enough time? Then, use your reflections to create a strategy for dealing with this (and maybe other!) intimidating situation in the future. Over time, you will gain confidence, and your meetings will go even better!
Remember, you’re not the first and you will not be last graduate student who has trouble talking to their eminent supervisor. Consider asking other students how they managed situations like this in the past. How did they go about making sure their time with their supervisor was as productive as it could be?
You can do it!
-Lorraine Chalifour, Associate Dean, Graduate and Postdoctoral Studies
P.S. While most of the time you can overcome fear with this approach, if your supervisor regularly dismisses, belittles or threatens you, it could be considered harassment or academic bullying. In that case, it’s important to reach out for help from trusted professors in your department, your graduate program director, one of the GPS Associate Deans, the PGSS Member Support Commissioner, or a McGill office that supports students like the Dean of Students.
Do you have specific questions for the GPS Associate Deans? Leave a confidential message via this form or email associatedeans.gps [at] mcgill.ca
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