In Kathleen Smith’s book Everything Isn’t Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down, she discusses how community is vital to well-being, but is also very easy to treat like something non-essential or undeserved:
“When we deny ourselves community, we lose contact with thoughtful and passionate people who will challenge our worst beliefs about ourselves. But we often treat community like a luxury rather than an essential component of our well-being. Often this avoidance of community is your anxiety wearing the mask of self-denial. Because your anxiety loves to find reasons to keep you away from community, it will offer you unwatched TV seasons and pizza in bed. It will remind you that you have nothing to wear or that there’s a 20 percent chance of rain. It will pull out your to-do lists, point to your laundry pile, and suggest it’s simply not a good time to throw yourself into unfamiliar terrain. It’s easy to develop ‘As Soon As’ Syndrome when it comes to exploring new community. Have you ever used an As Soon As excuse to deny yourself community? [Examples include:] I’ll join a Frisbee team as soon as I get settled at work, I’ll start going back to religious services as soon as the semester is over, I’ll check out that running group as soon as I can finish a 5K by myself, or I’m going to move next year, so I’ll start volunteering as soon as I get settled.
When we treat community as if it’s something to be earned, we forget that community is where we learn to define ourselves to others, to be the person we want to be. Without community, it’s unlikely you’ll ever feel settled or calm down. Community is the cake, not the icing.”
We need to interact with people with whom we find belonging and shared values and purpose. We need experiences sharing about what excites or concerns us, and our developping thoughts what we believe and how we want to live. We need connections with whom we can grow and develop, explore and question, and get through hard times.
It’s not easy to build a community life as a student. Community connection usually doesn’t come built-in or easily accessible in today’s world. Joining a community group might be super scary, strange and awkward at first, and just introducing ourselves to classmates can take enormous courage. Yet, because community life is important for inner wellness, no effort is wasted, all of it will help us develop and grow.
