Subscribe to the OSS Weekly Newsletter!

Register for the OSS 25th Anniversary Event

Penis Enhancement and "Smiling Bob"

Many men are insecure about the size of their manhood and would consider investing in a product that promises bigger things. This is not just an opinion, it is fact.

Here is a formula for separating fools from their money. Find a condition that doesn’t pose a serious threat to health, but causes enough concern for people to want to invest in a solution. Propose that you have a product that treats this condition and search the scientific literature for some natural substance that provides some smidgen of evidence for possible help. If you can link it to use by the ancient Chinese, so much the better. Use clever language to make a mountain of a mole-hill, and blow some scientific sounding mumbo- jumbo around. Feature the word “natural” prominently in your advertising. Claim that your product has a secret formulation. And make sure to choose a condition that makes the determination of the effectiveness of the product difficult. Offer a money back guarantee. When a customer wants to exercise this right, ask for evidence that the product did not work. If they cannot provide such evidence, keep their money. Hide the money off-shore in case the government comes after you. Ok, then, what sort of a condition would one target? Well, here is an idea. Small penis size. Many men are insecure about the size of their manhood and would consider investing in a product that promises bigger things. This is not just an opinion, it is fact. Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals of Cincinatti made a fortune peddling “Enzyte” pills to men who were looking for “natural male enhancement,” a common euphemism for penis enlargement. The television pitchman for Enzyte was “Smiling Bob”, whose silly grin was supposedly induced by his newly bloated organ.

The list of Enzyte’s dozen or so ingredients includes arginine, epimedium and Muira Pauma. Why arginine? Because this amino acid can trigger the release of nitric oxide which can indeed increase blood flow to the penis. That’s how Viagra works. But the amount of arginine in Enzyte is inconsequential. In any case, increased blood flow does not increase size. Epimedium is a plant the ancient Chinese used to increase libido, but there is no evidence they used it with any degree of efficacy. And to cover the globe, Muira Pauma was used by South American natives for the same purpose. In any case, Berkeley had no studies, no evidence to show that its product lived up to the claims. And they certainly had no customer satisfaction, judging by the number of men who wanted their money back. But when they wanted to make use of the much touted money-back guarantee, they were asked to provide a note from a physician that their organ had not grown. A very effective deterrent. Eventually, both customers and the U.S. government had enough of this nonsense and civil lawsuits were launched alongside government indictments for fraud and money laundering. Steven Warshak, Berkeley’s owner and president was found guilty on ninety three counts of conspiracy and fraud, and was sentenced to twenty-five years in jail. The company was ordered to forfeit five hundred million dollars. Apparently crime did pay. Very nicely. Will this judgment stop the sales of such products? Not a chance. Extenze has stepped in to fill the void as it were, promoting yet another witch’s brew of ingredients, with of course a proprietary secret revolutionary formulation aimed at men who “take their sex lives seriously.” Do I need to tell you that it is all natural, safe and comes with a money back guarantee? Remember P.T Barnum’s phrase about a sucker being born every minute? He was wrong. They are born much more often than that.


@JoeSchwarcz

Want to comment on this article? Visit our FB Page!

Back to top